


run until you can't anymore

by spicysoo



Series: you’re giving me a heart attack [2]
Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23797810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicysoo/pseuds/spicysoo
Summary: When it comes to Ritsuka, Mafuyu's head is never in the clouds, but it's never where it needs to be either. It takes a couple of incidents to put things about himself and his relationship into perspective.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Series: you’re giving me a heart attack [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625599
Comments: 9
Kudos: 146





	run until you can't anymore

**Author's Note:**

> This is the companion piece to my first fic in this series, play until your heart gives out, so if you haven't read that, please read that fic first.

Shizusumi didn’t need to corner him and tell him off for not being fair, because deep down, Mafuyu already knew that. Ritsuka, awkward, bumbling Ritsuka, was understanding and good to him, and yet, Mafuyu couldn’t help but think about Yuuki.

_Yuuki and his smile._

_Yuuki and his sad eyes._

_Yuuki and his voice._

A voice that still gives him chills whenever he gains the courage to listen to his dead lover’s tapes.

Yuuki had been his everything, but Ritsuka…

He didn’t know what Ritsuka was to him just yet.

Ritsuka had given him the ability to feel something again, even if the other didn’t set out to do that.

He remembers meeting the other boy in that dusty stairwell and thinking that would be it, but Yuuki’s guitar had given him the chance to make a connection. A human connection that Mafuyu more than needed, but had been too busy wallowing in emotions he was unequipped to deal with. However, when Ritsuka started scolding him about that beat-up guitar, Mafuyu had to take his chance.

Mafuyu wanted to fix Yuuki’s guitar and looking back, Mafuyu knew he had come across a little too strong as he begged the other to fix it. Eyes shining with want and unable to take no for an answer, Mafuyu couldn’t help but pout and look down at his feet when he realized Ritsuka was going to say that he couldn’t fix the guitar just yet. Only for the other to yell that he was going to grab some tools, before running off to do just that. 

Mafuyu hadn’t meant to make Ritsuka so agitated, but seconds after meeting him, he knew the other boy was passionate about music. But what he didn’t expect was for Ritsuka to give in and help him out, running across campus and back to find what he had needed. Ritsuka scolding him as he quickly fixed the broken strings, fingers expertly moving across the guitar as if the appendages belonged nowhere else.

The whole situation had been a little crazy, but Mafuyu thought it had been a good type of crazy. Because as much as Ritsuka scowled and nagged at him for the state of the guitar, Ritsuka had been undeniably cute. Almost as if he was a cat that was suddenly upset at its owner for forgetting something important.

Mafuyu had felt bad when he had immediately thought of a munchkin cat, but it had also made him intrigued. Ritsuka, _rough edges and all_ , had been kind when he didn’t need to be. That kindness being something that continued throughout their friendship and was a core component to their relationship.

The kindness was warm and made him heady in a way he had never felt before, but the kindness was also a difficult pill to swallow as Mafuyu felt he didn’t necessarily deserve it.

Ritsuka was understanding and patient, and while, the other boy was still fumbling his way through the firsts that Mafuyu had experienced with Yuuki years ago, Mafuyu still found himself enjoying them. His heart would beat faster and faster until it felt as if it was going to jump out of his chest.

Ritsuka was soft where Yuuki had been strong, but strong in ways that Yuuki had been soft.

It was a weird thought to have, but Ritsuka was _his._

Just like Yuuki had been his.

Hearing Shizusumi question his feelings a wake-up call: a wake-up call that he had desperately needed. Mafuyu was running, had always been running, even as he instigated hugs and kisses and dates. Mafuyu wasn’t being completely serious and it was startling to realize how much of a coward he was being.

Shizusumi had called him out, and while Shizusumi was the same as him, it was still something that he needed to hear. Mafuyu had seen enough of Shizusumi tip-toeing around Hiiragi to know how terrible running away could be, even if you couldn’t physically run away. He and Shizusumi were timid and scared, and the only people being negatively affected by their indecision were Ritsuka and Hiiragi. Mafuyu may not have completely understood how much Hiiragi was being affected by his childhood friend, but Ritsuka?

He could see how much his cowardliness was hurting the taller boy.

The taped-up fingers, the purple-rimmed eyes, and a set of shoulders that were constantly pulled up to the ears were clear signs that Ritsuka wasn’t okay. The hurt that radiated off his form was almost tangible and Mafuyu had no one else to blame. Mafuyu was the one that didn’t like talking about Yuuki or his feelings, and while Ritsuka was understanding of that, Mafuyu was still the one that was hiding a piece of himself away.

Mafuyu was holding himself back, while Ritsuka could only given him a sad smile in response before he would awkwardly change the subject to something _lighter_.

However, no matter how many times he’d get Mafuyu to open up or laugh again, Ritsuka’s smile was still a haunting sight. He didn’t like seeing his boyfriend look at him with expressive eyes that reminded him of a swirling, tumultuous ocean and his mouth downturned into a frown, wrinkles tugging painfully at the corners of his lips.

It was crushing to look at, because it did more than stir his blood, turning it hot and angry.

Hands clenched in frustration, Mafuyu couldn’t help but be angry at himself for being so afraid.

Ritsuka didn’t deserve it, and if he had to see his boyfriend bleed through his bandages one more time, he’d probably scream. Even the super glue he started to see in Ritsuka’s bag didn’t work that well either, even if it held his skin closed a bit better than the bandages that would constantly fall off minutes into a practice session.

Ritsuka was hurting himself and while, Mafuyu knew the other wasn’t doing it on purpose, it still scared himself to see. Ritsuka’s fingers were messed up because he couldn’t stop practicing, _couldn’t stop playing_ , because if he did, then all his doubts would come spilling out.

Ritsuka was destroying himself and Mafuyu had to do something, _anything_ to stop what was going on.

Mafuyu had to speak up and say something, even if it would mean hurting himself and Ritsuka in the process.

Too many things were left unsaid and running wasn’t an option.

_His body couldn’t take it…_

He had already run too many marathons to keep on doing so.


End file.
